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YOUR OWN RELATIONSHIP
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A fathers perspective
My new friends from mothers group always say
I should write a book to let the world know my secrets of
the perfect relationship, well as far as these guys are concerned
anyway. I appear to them to be able to do what I like, not
do any work around the house, and don't get nagged by my wife.
I wish!
But at face value it may appear as such. My
wife, Kim, and I have a good relationship. I relate our relationship,
or how it could be in the perfect world, to that of Kim and
our son Max's. They communicate, they spend lots of time together,
they have a lot of fun, keeping the relationship fun, there
is alot of give and take, so as a result Max is overall well
behaved, happy and learning heaps.
I'm the Max in our relationship. Kim communicates
well, so we know when there's stress around and a potential
problem brewing, I do take time out for them both and sometimes,
but not often enough, time for Kim alone and I make her laugh.
When something needs to be done around the house I can do
it in my own time, if I need a sleep-in I can get one. Kim
gets them too.
Its a case of being empathetic and realising
that your spouse is having a tiresome day or week running
after your kids, or looking after a baby, and making her a
cup of tea, running her a bath, cooking her dinner or getting
take way, or just giving her some time out. You could even
talk to her without saying "what do you want to talk about".
You know what I'm talking about, no doubt you've been there
before. Just strike up a conversation and it'll flow. You
may find out something interesting about her.
I used a phrase I could use alot: "not often
enough". These days couples are time poor and we, as do our
kids, have far more influences, than when we were kids. We
try to cram alot into not enough time, therefore not giving
enough attention to anything. The secret of a successful relationship
is to have the ability to stand back and assess it from time
to time from an observers viewpoint. Forget your own feelings
for just a minute and try to empathise what your wife might
be feeling. does she need you around more, is she having a
moment, as long as that may be, of not being able to cope,
is she lonely, emotional etc etc. If you have any thoughts
that she may be bottling something up, talk to her. Don't
get defensive. They're her problems and as menial as they
may seem to you, they are major to her. Listen to her. The
best communicators are the best listeners.
Remember this - women are emotional, men are
not (in theory) and generally you can't reason with emotion
. . . but thats just between you guys and me, don't dare suggest
that to your wife.
If your relationship with your spouse is good,
your children are bound to be better off for it, better adjusted,
calmer, happier, better behaved and so on. If there is tension
in the air, your kids certainly pick up on it, even the youngest
baby will.
Your job requires hard work and compromises,
so does your relationship, it can't be all take, as it can't
be all give. You both need to be comfortable with your roles
as parents... and communicate.
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