 |
|
| |
DISCIPLINE - WHAT APPROACH?
|
 |
|
| |
|
Instead of spanking
Not all parents who spank are cool, calm dispensers
of tough love. Some are simply harried and swat their kids
more out of frustration than conviction. With some forethought,
understanding, patience, and commitment, though, even reluctant
spankers can learn to permanently spare the rod ‹ or hand
‹ without spoiling the child.
Parents wishing to redirect their baby's behavior
should do the following: Childproof the home. This will help
prevent dangerous situations that would require discipline.
Intercept wayward hands. Hold or grab your child's arm when
he's reaching for, say, a hot cup of tea; don't slap it.
Know what's age-appropriate. A baby who cries
relentlessly is using the only tool she has to communicate
with Mum or Dad. So ask yourself: Does she want to be held?
Is her diaper wet? Is she hungry? If you respond to her cries
with understanding, not anger she will learn that she can
trust you to meet her needs.
Disciplining toddlers and preschoolers requires
a tremendous investment of time, energy, and patience. But
these methods should pay off in the long run.
Let those earliest tantrums rip. Often these
outbursts are brought on by sheer fatigue or hunger. By understanding
your child's physical needs, you may be able to head off future
blowups. But when you can't, try to ignore your child's fit
while it runs its course, then calmly discuss the issue at
hand: "There are important reasons we can't skip dinner to
play right now." Next, you can suggest alternative means of
expression: "I'll understand you better if you use words instead
of crying and screaming."
Introduce time-outs. To start, you might warn
your child that if his misbehavior continues, he'll be given
a time-out; if he pays no attention, send him immediately
to a designated "no fun" area, such as a corner. Tell him
how long he'll have to stay there. A minute or two is appropriate
for toddlers, for preschoolers, five minutes is usually sufficient.
Withdraw privileges. If a warning continues
to be challenged, try nixing a favorite TV show, an expected
treat, or an upcoming play date. Back up your threats. If
you threaten a time-out or other punishment, back it up. But
sticking to your guns you show him you mean business."
Be flexible. Don't always insist on doing
things one way. Give your child choices.
Anticipate trouble spots. And then head them
off at the pass. If, for instance, you're eating out and your
child is going through a stage where he likes to throw food,
bring toys to distract him. If he persists, take him away
from the table and tell him that if he doesn't stop, you'll
take him home. And, as always, be prepared to follow through.
Defuse sticky situations. Try something funny
or unexpected. If your child refuses to go to their room or
such, introduce a tickle trap to turn tears into laughs. Be
spontaneous and varied.
Show your concern. Convey your fear when your
child's safety is at stake. If your youngster darts into the
street, for example, just sweeping him up in terror and telling
him how frightened you are will have as powerful an impact
as spanking.
Reward good behavior. Hugs and praises can
go a long way. So take the time to build a positive ratio
of encouragement to criticism, yeses to nos.
Try an ounce of prevention. Effective discipline
means announcing clear, simple family rules the fewer, the
better, at a time when you know your children are calm and
listening.
Get to the bottom of misbehavior. Consider
the feelings behind your child's actions. A preschooler whose
mother is pregnant may act out by doing things that he knows
are forbidden. The mother whose son hits her should help him
learn to express his emotions through words. She might try
saying, "Stop it! You are very angry. Please tell me why."
Know your own temper - and make plans to curb
it. Some options: Put your child in a crib or playpen, leave
the room until you calm down, call a friend, dial a stress
hotline, yell into or punch a pillow. In short, do whatever
it takes to avoid striking your child in anger.
Share your change of heart. What if you have
spanked your kids in the past but have decided it's better
to stop? Talk to your children about it; doing so can be a
wonderful lesson for all of you. Tell them, "I was wrong to
spank you, and I don't want to do it anymore."
|
|
|
|
|
